


five photographs

by andromedagalaxy



Series: Philkas College Verse [54]
Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-21 00:32:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13729326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andromedagalaxy/pseuds/andromedagalaxy
Summary: Memories of the five main photos Philip has in his senior photography portfolio, all focusing on Lukas





	five photographs

\--

1.

Philip walked down their hallway, his keys in his mouth as he finished off his text to Gabe. He sent it, slipped his phone into his pocket and stuck his key into the lock. His workshop was cancelled and he had yet to get an answer from Lukas, so he figured he was gonna surprise him. 

“Hey,” Philip said, as he pushed his way into the apartment. “Did you get my message? 

He looked around, only heard music blaring from their bedroom. The dogs ran up to him, both jumping and panting, and Philip spared them a couple pets before moving towards the sound. “Lukas?” he called, narrowing his eyes.

Philip put his bag down on the bed, getting more and more interested in what Lukas was doing. The bathroom door was open and as Philip turned the corner he saw Lukas standing there in front of the mirror. There was a pizza box on the counter, open with two pieces missing, a half-eaten one sitting precariously on the edge. Lukas was swinging his hips back and forth to some loud, fast song Philip didn’t recognize, but more importantly, his hair was full of foils and sticking up every which way. There was bleach in a paper bowl in the sink, a bunch of brushes and clips close to their toothbrush cup.

Lukas’s eyes found Philip in the mirror and went wide. 

Philip just stared at him, covering his own mouth.

“Hey,” Lukas said, still, blinking over and over. He clicked the music off, and the silence was thick. “You’re, uh, you—you’re supposed—I had like, two hours. To do this.”

Philip felt delight boiling over in his stomach. “Cancelled workshop,” he said. “And I—don’t know why I’m shocked to see this. I’ve—I’ve always known it happened but I’ve only ever seen the result but this is—this is just—”

“You weren’t supposed to see this—”

“Oh, I’m seeing it—”

“Philip!” Lukas whined, bracing his hand on the counter but still not turning around. “I need to keep some kind of air of mystery—”

“Babe, you fart in bed all the time, there is no mystery left—”

Lukas hung his head.

Philip grinned, chills of pure happiness spreading out over his shoulders. “You look so fucking cute, it’s like—criminal.”

Lukas turned around and it was even better from the front, two of the foils closest to the part in his hair sticking up like antenna. “I’ve hidden this from you—”

“Lukas—”

“I don’t care if anyone sees this, you could show George Clooney and I wouldn’t give a shit, but _you_ —”

Philip stepped forward, taking Lukas’s hands. “You are so dumb.”

Lukas pouted at him. “This isn’t attractive,” he said. “I was like, I’ve been wondering if I should stop bleaching it—”

“You know I like you blond,” Philip said, and he had the inclination to run his hand through Lukas’s hair, but there was no way to accomplish that with all the foils. But it brought his attention to it again and he grinned, another wave of joy running through him. “You can do whatever you want, but I love your hair and I love— _this_ —just as much. So cute, Lukas, I can’t.”

Lukas raised his eyebrows. “Really?” 

“So really,” Philip said, leaning in and kissing him hard. “Really really.”

“You’re not lying?” Lukas asked, against Philip’s lips. 

“Nope,” Philip said. “Opposite of lying. You’re the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Lukas smiled then, blush blooming in his cheeks. “I’m sorry I’m eating right now,” he said. “I wasn’t expecting you—did you eat?”

“A little bit,” Philip said, kissing him again and moving over towards the counter, picking up a piece of pizza and taking a bite. He couldn’t stop looking at him, how fucking adorable he looked. It felt like something precious that he got to see, that no one else was privy to. “How much longer do you have to have the foils in?” he asked.

Lukas sighed, a sheepish little smile on his face. “Like half an hour. It’d be faster if I had a hair dryer but I never got one because I didn’t want you to find it.”

Philip nearly spit out his pepperoni. “Lukas,” he said. “I don’t think your hair magically becomes blond, I know you’re naturally dark-haired, you could have—you’re so dumb, I love you.”

“I love you too,” Lukas said, a smile still tugging at his mouth. “Do you love me enough to buy me a hair dryer?”

“I’ll get you ten,” Philip said, taking another bite of his pizza. He stared at him for too long, probably, because Lukas widened his eyes and laughed, throwing his arms out. 

“What?” Lukas said, still laughing. “This can’t be cute to you. It really can’t be.”

“I need to take your picture,” Philip said.

Lukas nearly choked. “What?” he said. “Every time you’ve said that lately it’s gone into the portfolio pile—”

“Yup,” Philip said, putting down his crust and marching out into the bedroom. “It’ll be my Mona Lisa.”

“Oh my God.”

Philip snatched up his camera and ran back, standing just outside the bathroom door. Lukas stared at him for a second, the overhead lights catching on the foils and shining. Lukas clicked his tongue and reached over, grabbing another piece of pizza.

Philip gasped. “Oh, perfect,” he said.

“Really?”

Philip snapped a couple pictures. “Take a bite of it,” he said.

“Does this turn you on?” Lukas asked, taking a bite of the slice just like Philip asked.

Philip zoomed in, trying to frame the shot. “Yes!” he said, taking a few more pictures, one after the other. “I love this Lukas. I love foils Lukas.”

Lukas grinned around the pizza and Philip’s heart sang with the depth of how much he fucking loved everything that was happening right then. “Foils Lukas,” Lukas said, chuckling.

“So cute! About to be so much blonder!” Philip took a couple more pictures.

“You’re gonna show people these?” Lukas asked, making eye contact.

“Can I?” Philip asked.

Lukas took another bite and raised an eyebrow, making for another good photo. “Yeah,” he said. “You really think I look cute? And not dumb? I know you’re the worst person to ask—”

Philip held the camera down and frowned at him. “I am the best person to ask. And you’re the cutest. Never, ever dumb.” The opposite of dumb. The best person Philip knew. The most ideal muse, his favorite subject. Especially in the midst of dying his hair.

~

2.

It was super rare that Philip ever took naps and he startled himself out of one, blinking when he heard Izzy’s loud snores. He looked over at the clock and saw that it was only six pm, which kinda sucked because he knew this would fuck up his sleep later that night.

There was a blanket draped over him and he stretched, looking around for Lukas. They’d been home from the cruise for two days and Lukas had been absolutely killing himself trying to be perfect. Philip had just kinda let him, his exhaustion settling into his bones and dragging him down. But soon enough he was gonna tell him to cool it, that it was all fine, because it was. It was fine.

He sat up, rubbing his eyes, and when he looked to his right he noticed that the window to the fire escape was open. He leaned back so he could look out the window right behind him, and he saw Lukas out there, not wearing a shirt, just swinging his legs over the side.

Philip hummed a little bit to himself and creaked to his feet, walking over and climbing out of the window, too. 

“Hey,” he said, walking over and sitting beside him.

Lukas jumped a little bit, covering his heart. “You scared me.”

“Sorry,” Philip said, rubbing his back. “What the hell are you doing out here? Shirtless.”

Lukas snorted. “You like the shirtlessness?”

“Duh,” Philip said, smiling at him. There was a new billboard for Wild Turkey on the building across from their apartment, and it buzzed orange, on and off, creating an other-worldly glow at all hours of the night. It shined on Lukas, and even though Philip’s eyes regularly gravitated to the bullet wound on his chest, it seemed like he was being drawn in by it. Like the edges of it were standing out in stark relief, carved a little deeper in the orange light. Philip tried to focus. “So why’re you out here and not cuddling me during my unscheduled nap?”

“I wish,” Lukas said. He looked run-down. “I was just on the phone with dad and I came out here so I wouldn’t disturb you.”

“Everything okay?” Philip asked, tracing his hand over Lukas’s shoulder. 

“Yeah,” Lukas said, but his face claimed otherwise. He swung his legs back and forth over the side of the fire escape. There were a few loud sirens in the distance, and Lukas sighed. “It’s just like—I don’t know, it was okay, things are still a little weird, but then I hear Sarah in the background and it just like—my face gets all hot and I start stuttering and like—I don’t know. I know I need to chill out, especially after what happened and I’m trying—”

“I know,” Philip said, eager to soothe him. He rubbed the back of Lukas’s neck, leaning in and kissing his cheek. “I know, it’s okay.”

Lukas dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. “I’m just sorry,” he whispered, his voice thick and raspy. “I keep like, thinking about it, all of it, I was looking at those cuts on your feet—”

Philip kissed Lukas’s shoulder. “They don’t hurt, it’s fine—”

“It’s just like, another thing that we can add to the list of my dumbass failures,” Lukas said, looking at him. “It’s just—”

Philip reached out and pressed his fingers to Lukas’s lips. “Stop torturing yourself. It’s over, it happened, we’re learning from it. You know I get it, get why—you were angry, are still—weird about it. I just want you to keep me involved, and you know that.” He let his hand slide away, wrapping it around Lukas’s shoulder now. Lukas leaned into him. “We’re—a team. When you hurt, I hurt. I never want you to turn to drinking or drugs or whatever when you have me here.”

He thought about his mom, then, how her doing drugs always felt like her turning away from him. He worried about it with Lukas during all the hell in high school, and on the cruise, seeing all those empty bottles—they liked to drink, but 99% of the time they did it together. And never under sad circumstances, never when they were afraid or down. It worried him. Struck him, made him feel separate. 

“Don’t worry,” Lukas said, like he was reading his mind. He kissed Philip’s forehead. “I was just being dumb, you know—my default setting.”

Philip shook his head, brushing Lukas’s hair back. “We should hang with her more, when we go back to visit. Like less—cruise time, trying to make up for what happened time, more…just hanging out, actually getting to know her time.”

“Probably a good idea,” Lukas said, sniffling a little bit.

It tugged at Philip’s heart. He tipped Lukas’s face towards him and brought their mouths together, kissing him a couple times, softly. “I’m gonna go make dinner,” Philip whispered, kissing Lukas’s chin.

“You’re gonna cook?” Lukas asked, smiling a little bit.

“I’m gonna make an attempt,” Philip said, winking at him.

“I can, babe,” Lukas said, leaning towards him as Philip got to his feet. “I’ll make that chicken—”

“I’ll make that chicken,” Philip said, pushing Lukas’s hair back again. “Or, I’m gonna try to make that chicken and not poison us to death.”

Lukas snorted. “I’ll help you.”

“Okay,” Philip said. He walked a little towards the window but the orange glow caught his eye. Dusk was settling and night was falling over the city, the buildings sparkling and looming tall in the sky. The glow was illuminating Lukas like a full body halo, and Philip had to capture it.

“Stay right there,” he said, pointing at him. 

“For how long?” Lukas asked, narrowing his eyes. 

“Just a sec,” Philip said, climbing back into the apartment. His camera was sitting on the coffee table because he was going through his cruise photos earlier—he grabbed it, trying not to trip over his own feet getting back to the window. Their fire escape wasn’t huge and Philip shoved himself into the corner, adjusting the shutter speed on his camera. He leaned back over the edge of the railing, situating himself and the shot.

Lukas narrowed his eyes. “Babe, careful.”

Philip tried to work with the light so Lukas’s scar was in focus and properly illuminated. He always thought of how easily Lukas could have been taken away from him. But he tried not to think of the scar as evidence that he was almost lost—he thought of it as a reminder that he survived. That he made it. 

“Stop making that face,” Philip said.

Lukas cocked his head and Philip snapped a photo. “What face?”

“Pissy face.”

Lukas stuck his tongue out and squeezed his eyes shut.

“No!” Philip exclaimed. “You’re the worst model.”

“I am the best model.”

“Show me then, sexy.”

Lukas rolled his eyes but he was suppressing a major smile, and it was so fucking cute that Philip took about ten pictures in a row trying to catch it. 

“Just look out,” Philip said. “Think of me.”

A soft, fond smile graced Lukas’s face then. And it was perfect.

~

3.

Philip took Lukas back to Posh after his 21st birthday as a surprise, and at first Lukas didn’t even notice that it was the same gay club they’d gone to when they stole away to New York in high school, when they were trying to get away from it all. The same gay club he’d rejected in a huff. The same gay club they kissed outside of, in public, for the first time. He just stood there, looking around, and turned back to Philip with a sly smile on his face. Philip had to admit, despite how far they’d come and the changes Lukas had undergone, he was a little bit worried about what the reaction would be. But Lukas just smiled, looking around again like it was a new place, because he was a new person. Then he tugged Philip in by the belt loops and dragged him over to the bar to order a drink. They didn’t dance, they just sat and talked and made out in one of the back corners. It was a great time.

They went back again after they got engaged, because Lukas asked if they could. Philip could see the ghost of the past in there but the promise of the future too, and he doesn’t think he’s ever been more proud of anybody than he is of Lukas.

“You still got that Rick Anderton ID?” Philip asked, nudging into him. 

“Somewhere,” Lukas said, grinning. He was about two and a half drinks in, the kind of drunk where he kept blinking really slowly and smiling when he realized that Philip was still there. The bartender had learned their names and kept coming over to check on them, give them water, and Philip felt really safe here. Everyone was laughing, smiling, dancing, getting to know each other. The past was slowly receding—all of it.

He loved the way it looked in here, with all the lights draping back and forth across the bar and the dance floor. It shimmered in neon hues, reflected off the bottles balanced behind the bar. He aimed his camera and took a picture—he’d been messing around with the settings, and he liked the active imagery he’d been getting in here. 

Lukas wrapped his arms around Philip from behind, kissing his shoulder. “You like Rick Anderton more than me still?”

Philip laughed, bumping into the bar as Lukas stumbled forward. “Yes,” he said. “There’s just something sexy about him, I don’t know—I can’t put my finger on it—”

Lukas scoffed and turned Philip around, his camera getting caught between them. “What about Lukas?” Lukas asked, eyes wide. “Lukas is like, way—like way, way more attractive.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Philip shrugged, grinning up at Lukas. “I do like—this nose.” He reached out and ran the pad of his thumb over it. 

“Yeah?” Lukas asked, holding his head high. “Anything else?”

Philip stared at him. Everything. Everything was his favorite. Every detail of Lukas was the best thing he’d ever looked at.

“Nah,” he said. “Just your nose.”

Lukas clicked his tongue and leaned in, kissing Philip on the tip of his own nose. “C’mon,” he said, tugging on Philip’s hand. 

“What?” Philip asked, his brow furrowing. 

“Wanna dance!”

“You?” Philip exclaimed, still being tugged along. “You or Rick Anderton?”

“Both!” Lukas yelled. He pulled Philip forward until they hit the edge of the dance floor and then he let go, bouncing around on the balls of his feet. The strobe lights were flying every which way and this wasn’t their kind of music, neither of them really danced, but fuck—Philip was mesmerized by him. A few other guys started dancing around next to him and Philip laughed—he remembered Lukas getting angry, stomping out and away that first time—he can’t imagine what it would have been like then if any of these men had tried to get near him. But he was dancing here and now without a care, adorably tipsy and ridiculously happy.

Philip took his picture. He took a bunch because everything was moving so fast and he couldn’t tell how they were coming out. He looked down and clicked through them, and one nearly took his breath away. Everything was alight, everyone in motion except for Lukas. He was clear and bright, a smile on his face and his eyes closed.

Probably the best damn photo Philip had ever taken.

“Come on, babe,” Lukas yelled. “Come on, come on! Your camera’ll be okay baby just dance with me!”

Philip grinned, knowing this was probably one of his only opportunities to dance with Lukas like this unless he specifically requests it. “I’m coming,” he said, walking in and taking Lukas’s outstretched hand.

~

4.

Philip had never liked Times Square. There was always too much going on, and whenever he was there with Mom she never seemed happy. Like all the lights distracted her, took her somewhere else in her head, somewhere he had a hard time bringing her back from. 

But when Helen and Gabe came up with Bo, the five of them went through the touristy route, hitting the Empire State Building, the One World Trade Center, Broadway and Times Square. Philip figured he could get a couple good pictures of them there. He always liked how Lukas looked lit up.

They pushed their way through crowds and Philip liked the way their parents followed him and Lukas around when they were here. Philip knew Helen could navigate the city, but she always let him lead when they came to visit. It made him feel good, and emphasized even more that this was their home.

Lukas bumped into Philip’s shoulder. “You think he’s acting weird?” he asked, quietly, briefly looking back over his shoulder. 

“Your dad?” Philip asked, trying not to be too obvious.

“Yeah maybe,” Lukas said, shrugging as they continued to walk along. “Maybe talking too much?”

Philip snorted. “Maybe he’s just excited to be here.”

Lukas smiled a little bit. “Maybe. He just keeps talking like, way more than he usually does.”

“I think it’s pretty cute they’re all best friends now.”

“Yeah, like,” Lukas said, shaking his head, “going out to trivia nights and shit. Never would have thought, I guess he just needed some people to hang out with.”

Philip loved the way it felt, that their little broken families came together like puzzle pieces in so many different ways. He wished their lost people were here, but if they had to go on without them, he thought they were doing pretty good. 

“Why is it so busy?” Helen called, as they rolled up on Times Square itself. “It’s almost midnight, Philip.”

Philip laughed at the way she said it, like it was his fault, like he called all these people here just to irritate them. “City that never sleeps,” he said over his shoulder, and she narrowed her eyes at him.

“I hope that doesn’t apply to you two,” she said.

“I can imagine them gallivanting around the city at all hours,” Bo said.

“Gallivanting,” Lukas mocked, grinning as he elbowed into Philip.

“That’s what we do,” Philip said, as they crossed the street. “Just—run all over the place. All over the city. Aimlessly.”

“No wonder you have so many friends,” Gabe said, and when Philip looked over his shoulder, Gabe was smiling. 

All the screens were screaming advertisements down on their heads, the Toshiba sign flashing on and off. _Chicago_ boasted itself as Broadway’s sure thing, a sultry lady lounging larger than all five of them put together. Helen approached the George M Cohan statue and stared up at it, and Philip wondered if he’d ever remember to look up who that guy was. 

“Aw, we should have seen _Kinky Boots_ ,” Helen said, looking to the side and seeing the advertisement for it looming large.

“Not sure I would have enjoyed that as much,” Bo said, but with a laugh.

Lukas shook his head, looking at Philip. 

There were a bunch of off-brand superheroes traipsing around and harassing people for photographs, minions with strange boggling eyes worse than the original ones from the movie he and Lukas still hadn’t seen. There was the same bible-touting man that was always here whenever Philip managed to make a trip over, and he looked ancient, the lines in his face deep as he sat and cast his judging gaze upon them all.

Lukas was looking over at him too. The sign he was holding said _“Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect”_

“He always used to be here,” Philip said, finding the foggy memories in the depths of his mind. “Guess he’s still doing it.”

Lukas took Philip’s hand and just hummed to himself.

“Hey, hey, hey,” an unfamiliar voice said. Philip saw the tall man walking up before either one of them could say anything, and then he draped a long, huge, ridiculously big and scary snake around Lukas’s shoulders.

“Ohhh my God,” Lukas exclaimed, huffing and puffing and immediately letting go of Philip’s hand, stepping back out of some subconscious form of protection. “Is it—is it, is this—is this—dangerous? Is—am I—”

“You’re not in any danger, buddy,” the tall man said, and he jingled a little cup he was holding in his hand. 

Bo stepped forward and put a couple dollars in the cup. “Well this sure isn’t an image I ever thought I’d see.”

Philip’s heart was racing but he was smiling strangely, fumbling for his camera, trying to visualize the shot.

“Girl or boy?” Helen asked. 

“That’s my lady,” the tall man said. “That’s Miss Stella right there. You can pet her, you can pet her—”

“Philip,” Lukas said, looking up with wild eyes. He laughed little tiny stilted laughs that made Philip laugh too. “Look!”

“I’m looking,” Philip snorted, finally grabbing his camera and trying not to shake. He bent down a little bit and right as he snapped his first picture, a tour bus drove by in the background that said NEW YORK, NEW YORK on the side of it. He walked around Lukas and took a couple more from every angle. Lukas was still as a statue, only his eyes following Philip, the snake moving slow and sure, taking it all in. Philip wondered how many shoulders she’d been on in her life. He couldn’t picture her on a better set.

“Okay I’m pretty sure I’m dying,” Lukas said, laughing nervously. Philip rushed over and pulled two dollars out of his pocket, stuffing them in the guy’s cup as he took Miss Stella off of Lukas. He didn’t say goodbye or thank you or anything, striding off towards another susceptible family.

Helen, Bo and Gabe laughed as Lukas stumbled over to Philip, collapsing against him. 

“You should hold a tarantula next time,” Bo said, knocking Lukas in the shoulder.

“Yeah, right,” Lukas muttered. He turned his face into Philip’s neck and Philip laughed, petting the back of his head. “Not what I expected when we said we were coming here.”

“Me either,” Philip said. 

“You get some good pictures?”

“Yeah,” Philip said. “I think so. Might be some quintessential New York shit.”

“Yeah,” Lukas said. “Quintessential New York. Where anything can happen.”

“Come on,” Helen said, tugging on Lukas’s arm. “I wanna climb those stairs.”

“We can pick up Miss Stella,” Gabe said, as Lukas straightened up and both of them looked at him. “Take her with us.”

“Let’s not push it,” Lukas said, following Helen and Bo. “I think I’ve had my fill of snake holding for—the rest of my life.”

Philip briefly flipped through his photos. “Looked real sexy doing it though.”

Lukas scoffed, taking his hand again as they breezed past the bible guy. “Hopefully you find other things I do sexy so I never have to do that again.”

“Oh, definitely,” Philip said, grinning up at him. “I can make due.”

~

5.

After the first gay pride parade Lukas seemed to get a taste for it. Surprisingly, they’d managed to make more friends at events and situations than in any of their classes—Lukas wasn’t the biggest talker, never had been, but he opened up a lot better when he saw people that were like him. He actually said something along those lines once, nonchalant and in the middle of conversation, and it, of course, sent Philip into a silent frenzy of comparing the past and the present.

He watched as Lukas got ready for the parade. When they first moved here Philip had bought him rainbow shit, things he’d normally wind up sleeping in and wearing on the occasion when nothing else was clean. But then he started including more and more rainbow designs into his wardrobe, when he wasn’t decked out in plaid. He’d go all out for the parades, and he picked out one of Philip’s favorites that he owned, rainbow tie-dye with LOVE IS LOVE printed in bold black on the back. 

Philip hugged him from behind and kissed him between his shoulder blades.

He always took lots of photos when they were marching, sometimes chastised himself because he wasn’t paying proper attention to all the beauty that was going on around him. But Lukas was the perfect subject. He was vibrant among strangers, constantly smiling, and people seemed to flock to him. He was chatting with whoever came up to him, would happily introduce Philip as his boyfriend. He chanted and waved at cameras, swung the flag they bought together at the Village Party Shop like he couldn’t be more proud to do it. He was cooler than fucking cool.

Philip fell back a little bit so he could get a photo, framing it so he could see the words on Lukas’s back, the flags all around him and his flag in the air. Seemed like it was just him, rainbows and the sky. Philip took a bunch, including the moment when Lukas turned around looking for him. 

“Hey!” Lukas called, stopping in his tracks and gently moving around a few couples who kept going next to him. “Babe.”

“Coming,” Philip said, running to catch up with him. He let his camera hang around his neck and reached down, taking Lukas’s hand. 

Lukas just looked at him for a couple long moments, and Philip cocked his head at him. “What?” Philip asked.

Lukas chewed on his lower lip and looked straight ahead. “I just—I was thinking about how I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. You know, here, as in—somewhere like this. Sometimes it hits me hard, I know I’ve said it before but like—I just know it.”

Philip leaned into him a little bit. “You would have found your way,” he said.

Lukas shook his head definitively. “No. Not without you.” He clicked his tongue. “Without you—I’d probably still be wasting Rose’s time and hating myself. Getting farther and farther away from my dad. Thinking about—thinking about things I shouldn’t think about.”

Philip’s heart lurched. He stopped and Lukas stopped with him, turning to face him. “Hey,” Philip said, softly, cupping Lukas’s face in his hands. He leaned in and kissed him hard, trying not to think of what life could have been like if their paths had never crossed. He knew the world wasn’t perfect, his life wasn’t perfect, but they were perfect. Their relationship was the best goddamn thing to ever happen to Philip. It was the hallmark of his life, the thread of electricity holding everything together. He was so, so happy they made it, that Lukas was able to find himself, find love with him. Fuck, Philip couldn’t believe it. How far Lukas had come. He felt like he’d be questioning it every day for the rest of his life. But thanking God for it, too. 

He tried to break the kiss but Lukas openly deepened it, making something twist in Philip’s stomach and causing people around them to start hooting and hollering. 

Finally, they broke, and Lukas pressed another quick kiss to Philip’s cheek. “Thanks for making me _me_ , babe,” he said.

Philip smiled, getting a little teary. He didn’t know what to say, so he just kissed him again. He was so fucking proud of Lukas. So, so proud of how he accepted himself, embraced himself, lived as who he really was. 

~

Philip sits down in front of Mr. Woods, and he’s holding his folder of photos so tight in his hands that he’s sure he’s going to crumple the prints. His heart is hammering in his throat and he doesn’t think he’s been this nervous in a long time, not since something really serious and shitty happened. This shouldn’t be shitty, this should be good—Mr. Woods is gonna give him pointers on which pictures will be best, if he’s doing a good job arranging them, and hopefully help him make an awesome portfolio that’ll score him an A in this class and secure his photography degree.

“Alright,” Mr. Woods says, pushing his glasses a little further up his nose. “Let’s see those photos.”

He holds out his hand and Philip hands over the folder a little reluctantly. He doesn’t know why he’s being so paranoid about this. He loves his pictures of Lukas, and is so glad he chose him and New York as his focus because they’re two of his favorite things to look at. But it feels like he’s handing over the most important, intimate parts of his life for his professor to scrutinize—he knew that would be the case, knew that’s exactly what the department wanted, but part of him feels like he needs to protect his life, protect Lukas and the perfect thing they’ve made here, hold his life close to his chest because anyone, anyone could want to take it away.

Mr. Woods is quiet, silently regarding each photo for a few moments a piece. Philip is a little worried at first that he isn’t saying anything, but then he realizes it’s probably better, that it means he’s devoting his attention to looking at each and every one of them. He keeps seeing Lukas’s shock of blond hair in all their favorite places and Philip is still unsure which of these is the best and should be highlighted. He’s only gonna blow up five, the rest of them ordered up and put in between, and he knows the main five have to be the absolute fucking best. He has a hard time picking because he loves every image of Lukas known to man, especially the ones taken by him.

He shifts in his seat as Mr. Woods keeps looking, handling each image like they’re something precious, and Philip discreetly looks at his phone.

_You are the most talented person I know! Amazing and awesome and talented and the most! Wonderful! Human!_

Philip’s heart swells. _I love you_ he quickly types back, sending it. He clears his throat. It feels like a million years have gone by. But the look on Mr. Woods’s face is promising. Philip expected worse.

Finally, Mr. Woods looks up. “These are wonderful, Philip.”

Philip deflates. “Yeah?”

“Yes,” Mr. Woods says, nodding. “You really have a good eye, especially for Lukas. It’s like when you see him you know exactly how to frame your shot—no matter where he is in the photo, he draws your eye. Your use of color with him is great, did you set any of these up, like what he’s wearing?”

“His outfits?” Philip asks. “No, he always pretty much wears what he wants.”

“Worked out very well,” Mr. Woods says. “I do have some particular favorites, ones I’d absolutely say you should highlight as your main five, and I hope you’ll agree with me. I’ll pick ‘em out and tell you the order I recommend.”

“Okay,” Philip says, nodding. Mr. Woods pushes five photos forward and Philip’s heart sings, as they’re the exact ones he’s been leaning towards. He clears his throat and pulls his chair closer. “Wow, yeah—we’re on the same page.”

“Really?” Mr. Woods asks. “On all five?”

“Yeah,” Philip says. “Those have been feeling like the ones.”

“Good,” Mr. Woods says, nodding. “I’d go foils first, because it feels like a very intimate introduction to your life and your relationship. There’s some good detail. It gives us a lot of Lukas’s personality.”

Philip laughs, nodding.

“Then the fire escape photo, which is…gorgeous. It adds an air of mystery, it’s a completely different tone from the first one, the lighting adds a whole other layer. Is it…is it a gunshot wound on his chest?”

“Yes,” Philip says. “Uh—we got mixed up in a whole thing in high school, both of us almost died, but he—came a little closer than me.”

Mr. Woods just stares at him for a second. “Well, I’m—I’m sorry to hear that—”

“It’s fine,” Philip says. “We’re—we’re doing good, we’ve made it past it.”

“Well, you’ve done an excellent job highlighting it in this photo, and instead of making it look sinister, which red and oranges tend to do, you’ve made it seem like more of a survival story. The way you’ve framed it and your focus, it seems uplifting. Like blood is pumping, life is being lived. The use of negative space adds to it.”

“Awesome,” Philip says. 

“The next one for me would be the club and the dancing—I love putting it after the introduction to the gunshot wound because it demonstrates exactly what you were going for—survival, thriving. The use of motion is incredible, and it seems like they’re all pointing towards him, drawing your eye. It feels like there’s a real story there, a lot of past, like overcoming. The colors are beautiful. Then the snake—I love that. Unplanned?”

“Completely unplanned,” Philip laughs. “Some guy just—came over—”

“You can see it in his eyes,” Mr. Woods says, grinning. “But I love how his focus is on you, like he’s trying to look calm and cool for you. The tattoo, too—love how you can see it alongside the snakeskin. Your name and I assume your heartbeat, it says something here. I like the offsetting, the contrasts of color—you also did a real good job drawing the attention to Lukas’s face when you have an interesting animal in frame, too.”

Philip thinks this is going well. 

“And the last one—well, it’s beautiful. I’d end with this, absolutely. It feels jubilant, like an encapsulation of your whole journey—once again, use of negative space really adds to what you’re going for. I like the little flags hanging on the edges and flanking him, all of them facing in the opposite direction to his own flag. The message, too.”

“Thank you,” Philip says. He hardly knows what to say. It sorta, weirdly, feels like therapy.

Mr. Woods nods at him. “You hint at your whole story, but keep it close to your chest. You make the audience want to know more with every new photograph. New York is a character in and of itself, making for this really comfortable and homey backdrop to the journey you and Lukas are going on. It feels like discovery, partnership, newness and old entwined—like you’re owning the past and building on it together. That’s what comes across with your photos.”

It’s so spot on. All his feelings. Philip swallows hard, feeling strangely sick and excited at the same time. “That’s…exactly what I was going for.”

“Well, you’re well on your way to being finished with the project,” Mr. Woods says, leaning back in his chair. “I’d just fill out the in-betweens, meet the minimum, and continue on the line you’ve been toeing all along. You’ve created an air of protection and closeness and that goes along with what you’ve been revealing about Lukas and your relationship. It seems like something very special.”

“Thank you,” Philip says again, clearing his throat. “Wow, you’re—it’s so weird, you’re really getting what I wanted out of these. Things I might have even put in there subconsciously just because they’re…how I feel.”

“Well, that means you did a good job,” Mr. Woods says. “Accomplished your goal.”

“I guess,” Philip says, laughing.

“You think you might be interested in a showcase, once you get your final grade?” Mr. Woods asks. “I’ll be clear, if you continue in this same vein you’ll definitely be getting an A grade—”

Philip grins, reaching up and trying to cover his smile. 

“—but we normally pick out five or six different portfolios to blow up and put on display in this Arts exhibition in Central Park right before graduation. You think you’d be interested in that? Lukas could come, people always like it when the subjects are there.”

Philip’s heart is hammering against his ribcage. “Yes, yes—definitely, that sounds amazing.”

“Well, alright,” Mr. Woods says. “Thank you for sharing your work. You’re very talented, Philip—you’ve got a bright future ahead of you. Both of you, I’m sure.”

“Thank you, Mr. Woods,” Philip says, feeling like an idiot on repeat but there’s way too much gratitude overwhelming him, so he’s gotta let it out. “Thank you so much.”

~

The dogs rush up when Philip steps into the apartment and Lukas is there at the dining room table, what looks like his homework spread out in front of him. “Hey!” he says, getting to his feet when he sees Philip. “How’d it go?”

Philip takes off his backpack, puts his prints aside on the counter and leans down, kissing both dogs on the head. Then he walks over and throws himself against Lukas so they both fall back into the dining room chair, Philip in Lukas’s lap. Lukas makes a little surprised noise and Philip kisses him over and over and over, running his thumbs back and forth along his jawline. 

“Mmm,” Lukas hums, hands gripping Philip’s waist. “I guess it went well?”

“Oh yeah,” Philip says. “Oh—oh yeah. You’re the best model, Lukas.”

“Told you.”

“You were right.”

“You’re the best photographer.”

“No, but you’re—you’re the best, period.”

Lukas snorts as Philip kisses him again. 

“I might get an exhibit in the park if I ace this,” Philip says, between kisses. “And he—he really implied that—that I was gonna ace it.”

“Babe!” Lukas exclaims, pulling away from him. “That’s fucking amazing!”

Philip laughs, exhilarated, and buries his face into Lukas’s neck. 

“Jesus, you deserve this,” Lukas says, holding him tight. “I’m so happy.”

Philip can feel the dogs dancing around, licking at his ankles. “Me too,” he says, kissing Lukas’s throat. “Me too.”


End file.
